Can a Makeover Change the Course of Your Life?

I have always loved watching makeover shows on TV and will even pause and rewind to see the amazing transformations over and over again. The results are often shocking. How different someone can look with just a new haircut and the right pair of jeans. Watching tired housewives and over-worked moms go from ratty and war-torn to flirty and fabulous in the blink of an eye makes for good TV, but what happens afterward? Do they continue to bleach their hair blonde and wear stockings and high heels instead of tube socks and Birkenstocks? Do they then leave their husbands (who are usually shown sitting in the audience with their jaws in their laps) and follow their dreams of opening a boutique or working on Wall Street? Or, do things return to normal and they are left with just the memory of their potential. I have been given the opportunity to find out first-hand what happens next after winning a “Mom Makeover” from Colorado Parent Magazine. While my outward transformation may not be as dramatic as those on TV, what happened on the inside was something I never expected.

I wrote my entry for the contest an hour before the midnight deadline: in 100 words or less, why I deserve a “Mom Makeover.” Even though it’s quite characteristic of me to push myself up until the last minute, I honestly had had a very busy week including my daughter’s 2nd birthday party the day before. But, I never miss a deadline, and I wasn’t going to miss this one either. Something told me this could be just what I needed to get me over the hump — the hump of depression that had plagued me since my husband became ill exactly one year before. We had just learned that after 18 years of service, Danny would not be able to return to reserve duty as an aircrew member with the Air Force for five years, and was possibly going to be made to retire. We knew that he couldn’t go back to work as a pilot for Frontier Airlines for another year either. I needed to go back to work. I was angry at the injustice of it all and unprepared to leave my daughter. There was an uncanny timeliness to everything that compelled me to enter. Since then, I have often referred to it as a “God-thing.”

From the day I got the call that I had won, I could feel God smiling at me, telling me it’s all going to be okay, and here is a sign that I’m here. Danny and I were both choked up by the news because to us, it wasn’t just a contest, winning represented a change of luck. It felt like we had both won. I had no idea how much of an impact a makeover could have on my life, beginning and ending with “my stuff.”

Everyone has stuff; stuff in their attic, stuff in their closet, stuff in their head. Cleaning out and organizing that stuff allows room to function; at home and in life. The first part of my prize arrived in the form of a cute, little fireball named Liz Canavan of Alchemy of Order. Liz appeared at my door one day unexpectedly because we had gotten the dates mixed up for our first meeting. She had driven such a long way and was so excited and full of enthusiasm that I could never have turned her away. Liz got to see me and my house in our typical state of disarray. Probably a good thing because she could better evaluate where I needed the most help without me trying to hide my issues. To my amazement, Liz put together a team of organizers to clean out the clutter in my laundry/utility room, kitchen and office/playroom all in just four hours! It was actually a fun afternoon made more fun by the fact that this is actually what these women love to do. It is their passion and it showed. When they were done, I felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from me. Danny and I were so inspired, we finished several other incomplete projects around our house that day and in the days that followed. Liz removed the “stuff” from my house and also from my head that was clouding my focus on the larger task at hand: finding a job.

Getting past “my stuff” became the next hurdle, and that’s where motherhood and career guru, Gretchen Reid of Motherhood Transitions, came in. In addition to re-working my resume, Gretchen helped me to identify the negative talk in my head that can block possible positive events from occurring. I was allowing my own “mom-guilt” about no longer being a full-time mom for my daughter and my fear of a jobless economy among other things, steer me into a self-perpetuating anger and frustration at my situation. She also helped me to see what is possible from this experience instead of dwelling on what was supposed to be. Together we assessed my professional strengths and she opened my eyes to new possibilities in a career path. A career that I had so much as thrown by the wasteside was beginning to be revived and I was suddenly excited about it again. I have since become a fervent student of social media marketing and am working towards the goal of combining my writing, design, advertising and marketing skills with the new media to offer a complete marketing solution to clients.

Finally, it was time for the fun part: my day of pampering. And what fun it was! I spent the day at Aspen Grove, much of the time accompanied by the Assistant Editor of CO Parent, Courtney McDonough who was a delight to be with and an even more engaging lunch date! We began at the elegant Avalon Salon and Spa where my hairstylist, René discussed different hair styles and color with me and helped me to decide upon one that would best suit my lifestyle. We went with something subtle and easy to maintain. I know, drama would’ve been more fun, but I decided to leave the drama out of this part of my life! René did an excellent job at delivering exactly what I needed. After that, I spent an hour with Erin who gave me a great day look in makeup as well as tips and techniques for applying my own. All said and done — fabulous! Off to Ann Taylor where Julie and Denise helped me to decide the best look and fit for me from so many beautiful options, it was tough to narrow it down. I really had them running. I wanted to try everything! I absolutely love my new outfit which, as of this writing, I’m still saving for my first interview. I may have to break down and wear it on what has become, a very infrequent date night. We’ll see which happens first. Are you reading this, Danny? By the time “the new me” was headed home, I was realizing how way overdue it was for me to feel this good about myself again. The “stuff” that tells me to put myself last and that appearance no longer matters was being busted up. While I definitely still wrestle with this, and more days than not look like I’ve just rolled out of bed at four in the afternoon, it has been mentally noted. I am an emerging butterfly fighting my way out of my chrysalis.

So, can a makeover change the course of your life? If not changed, it has at least reset the coordinates of mine to waters unknown. I’m only just beginning my journey and there’s a new captain in charge.

Have you considered giving yourself a makeover? Or, have you had a makeover of a different kind that has changed you?

IN YOUR FACE! Sharing personal space with your spouse 24/7/365.

Photo by Evan Romine

Remember your wedding night? Lying in the arms of your partner and thinking how you never wanted to be apart? How wonderful life would be if you could stay like that forever? As time passes, you start to be thankful for your alone time. Time spent at the gym, out with friends or just curled up with a good book on the couch in the peaceful tranquility of an empty house is bliss. Not that you don’t still love being with your spouse, but it starts to become just that much better after time apart. You love them even more when you are reunited. Bringing baby home does break up a lot of the tranquility, of course, but you still relish the moments you have away from each other to just “be.” Imagine now if your wedding night wishes came true, and you and your betrothed spent every waking hour together for an entire year: your wildest dream or worst nightmare? Would you be closer or just closer to a breakdown?

It wasn’t until Gretchen Reid of Motherhood Transitions, my life coach, said it, or maybe it was the way she said it, that all became clear: our entire relationship had been built upon our time away or independence from one another. Kind of hard to hear, but true. We lived in entirely different states from the time we met up until the day we married seven years ago. We “dated” over the phone and had three or four weekend visits a month on my airline benefits. A few days after our honeymoon in December 2001, Danny, a U.S. Air Force Reservist, was sent to Germany for six months. After a year of active duty, he returned to his career as an airline pilot where we were now living in St. Louis. He was gone three or four days a week and continued to do his reserve duty in Colorado Springs as well. Danny was activated again in 2006 and sent to Qatar. We spent that entire year apart, only seeing each other a few weekends a month for the six months he was back in Colorado while I lived in St. Louis. It’s a miracle, but that was also the year I got pregnant. Danny missed out on my whole nauseating first trimester while in Qatar — lucky man. Between my full-time job and Danny’s, our lifestyle may have seemed hard to endure for most married couples, but was just how we liked it. We are both free spirits and enjoy time on our own. For us, it made our marriage stronger. We rarely argued and the passion never faded.

How different things are now. For the past 13 months, Danny and I have been living in an alternate reality. We have spent every day together, mostly at home in what for a good part of the year has felt like our own personal prison. As a result of Danny’s cancer diagnosis and the 10-month long treatment that followed, leaving the house was not only a “no-no” because of his weakened immune system, but practically impossible because of the pain, fatigue and nausea he suffered on a daily basis. For the three-month period following his bone marrow (or stem cell) transplant, he was quarantined to the house and required 24/7 care and sterile living conditions. While difficult enough for the two of us to withstand, try explaining to a one-year-old why we can’t go outside to play even though the sun is shining and there’s a whole wide world out there to discover and explore. If it seems we didn’t spend enough time together “pre-cancer”, we are now making up for it in what often feels like a bad sitcom (think Frank and Estelle Costanza get their own show). Is this what retirement will be like?

Now, don’t get me wrong. In a lot of ways this experience has brought us closer together and showed us that if we can survive this, then nothing is insurmountable in our marriage. But, what it has also shown us is that when you spend too much time together, you run out of things to say. Or, you tire of saying the same thing, over and over again, so you just don’t say anything at all. Communication can break down and suddenly although you live in the same house, you’re miles away from one another. The little differences between the two of you that were once tolerable become egregious and you find yourself constantly trying to maintain perspective. It’s difficult to keep perspective when everything appears so close-up. Thankfully, with time, love and prayer (much prayer) all things can be put back into their proper focus.

In many ways, yes, we could look back on this time as our worst nightmare. But, it is also possible that because of what we’ve gained in understanding, patience and closeness we are only just entering our wildest dream.